I’m fucking doing it!

14 Days sober and celebrating hard! Truth is, I’ve let booze comfort, distract and ultimately chip away at me for for too long so this has felt much harder than previous sober challenges.

I’ve faced cravings and mood swings that I never expected but on the flip side have experienced the positive affects tenfold! It’s been a few years coming but I’m addressing my relationship with alcohol in a different way and genuinely enjoying it. That's been massively helped by the abundance of AF beverages available now as well as some great open and honest conversations with friends and family!

A lot of people drink regularly. Alcohol surrounds us, it’s everywhere and it’s glorified in a way that makes you believe it’s OK to ‘treat yourself’, to ‘relax and unwind’ with a glass of your favourite wine or a beer. People want to find ways to comfort or pick themselves up after a busy day - sometimes it’s with sugar, a cheeky beer or cigarettes. And I have no problem with that, what other people are doing is totally up to them and there's zero judgement here.

The problem I realise I do have, is while people can moderate this behaviour, I have come to realise I cannot. At least not without a kick up the arse and some outside accountability - like fundraising for a genuinely important cause, one that's close to me, my friends and my family.

After failing to complete SoberSpring or SoberSeptember challenges this year, I took a long hard look at myself, my habits and my reasons for drinking during the rest of September. I could (and still can!) find a way, most nights to justify a glass of wine - it's been a hard day, the dog made me cry, I need to numb all of these negative feelings... the list goes on! And even though I know it inevitably makes things worse, come 5 o'clock, that didn't matter. I just wanted to switch off and relax by opening a bottle of wine.

It’s a scary thing to realise you’re addicted, it’s an even scarier thing to realise you’ve been justifying it for so long because you don't see yourself as a stereotypical alcoholic. I didn't drink to get black out drunk, I very rarely go out to drink with others and when I do it's rarely to excess. At home, it was different though. I just wanted to relax in the evening and escape my mind but this became a daily habit and ultimately one I found hard to break because I didn't feel like I needed to. I could still get up the next day, still go to work, still work out, still run my business, still function normally and all without a hangover and THAT is the scariest part.

I know, and have known for a bloody long time, I DO NOT NEED a glass of wine (or more) a night to switch off. I know I hate myself the next day if I drink more than a glass. I understand the negative effects and the health risks YET still I've failed to significantly reduce or stop my behaviour over the past 18-24 months - and believe me I've tried! It shouldn't take a series of difficult life events or health scares to kick me in the face and make me realise that I'm slowly destroying myself (mentally and physically), but sadly towards the end of September that's exactly what happened.

After losing my Grandma (and quite a chunk of my hair!), I finally went to get help - the stress, depression and anxiety I'd been trying to bury/hide for several years had caught up with me and slapped me in the face. I wasn't OK, I hadn't been for years and it was time to admit it and sort my shit out.

This challenge is a tiny part of that process and is already benefiting me and my mind in so many ways! I've completed (successfully and not so successfully), several Go Sober months over the years but this is the first time I've ever felt I NEEDED it to help me address my relationship with alcohol on a much deeper level. When I started I was quite concerned I wouldn't make it past a week, so the fact I've managed to keep going for over two weeks now, is a HUGE confidence boost!

I'm determined to keep it going so I can complete the month and feel armed and ready to take this journey forward into the festive season, 2023 and beyond! I'm not saying I will give up booze completely and forever but right now, I know if I give in to even ONE glass of wine or boozey beverage, I'm at risk of dragging up those reasons and excuses to have one the next night, and the following night and so on. I do not want nor deserve to treat myself in that way and whilst I wish I could be one of those 'take it or leave it' people when it comes to an alcoholic drink, there's something in me that means I'm just not wired that way.

Anywho, that's enough of the serious, deep stuff… I know you’re only here for the drinks round up and playlist! So let's lighten the mood and hopefully inspire you with a fortnights worth of delicious AF beverages…

🍺 Big Drop : Paradiso Citra IPA 🍺

🥒 Dash : Cucumber 🥒

🥂 Lo Bros : Kombucha (fancy glass) 🥂

😎 GoodRays : Elderflower Seltzer 😎

🍻 Big Drop : Milk Stout 🍻

🍸 Seedlip & Tonic 🍸

🍓 GoodRays : raspberry + guava 🍓

🍺 Heineken : 0.0% 🍺

☕️ Yorkshire Tea ☕️

🍻 Brew Dog : Nanny State 🍻

✨ Brooklyn : Special Effects ✨

🍋 Zinger : Ginger shot + Tonic 🍋

🥂 Freixenet 0.0% 🥂

🍺 Big Drop : Pine Pale 🍺

I hope you enjoy looking over that little list of the AF beverages after the heavier stuff earlier in this post and if you're interested, the playlist I created on Spotify is also up to date and growing by the day!

Thank you all for your cheerleading, drink suggestions and donations over the last four weeks! I hope the next few weeks (and beyond) whizz by just as successfully and if anything I've opened up about strikes a chord with you, I hope you enjoy riding this little sober-curious rollercoaster with me! I'll pop a list of resources I've found helpful below but if you think you may be dependant on alcohol please seek advice from your GP.

A HUGE thank you again to everyone who’s already donated so far! Your donations have pulled me through a couple of really shit days when I nearly gave in It means the world to me and SO many other people, who will benefit from your kindness!