Learning, Slipping, and Swimming On

January has been a slow month of change—a month of learning, testing, slipping, and surprising myself. A month where I went from daily drinking to early bedtimes, herbal teas, and asking myself what I really need right now.

At the start of the year, I set myself the challenge to cut out alcohol—partly as a reset, partly to see if I could. And while I didn’t make it through the whole month without drinking, I did make it 28 out of 31 days, which is still a huge decrease!

There were three evenings when I made a considered choice to drink. Two of those, I felt in control. The other? I slipped back into old habits—the classic “ah, go on then, just one more”—and paid for it dearly the next day. But the biggest shift? Those slips didn’t send me spiralling. I didn’t let them drag me under. I didn’t let one night undo everything.

That feels new for me

In the past, drinking was almost automatic - an easy way to unwind, switch off, or just avoid dealing with things (YAY, self-medication!) But now? I’m questioning it. I’m noticing how I feel when the wine witch calls. I’m choosing instead of just going along with her, which is what I’ve always done.

And I want to keep that going.

I don’t think I’ll ever be someone who declares themselves fully sober forever, but this month has reminded me yet again, that I don’t need alcohol to relax, have fun, or get through a tough day. It’s also made me realise my body doesn’t bounce back the way it used to - thanks to getting older and perimenopausal delights!

So here’s to a month of learning. Of not being perfect but still making progress. And here’s to February - another month of looking after myself, making better choices, and trying not to beat myself up along the way.