The Messy, Honest Middle

April was meant to be about alignment for me — that was the little mantra I’d set for the month. I had visions of feeling more grounded, more at peace, especially around my wellbeing. But let’s be real… it’s felt more like survival mode than anything resembling balance.

Grief and loss don’t exactly play nice with alignment, do they? Life has thrown a lot my way lately — a divorce, saying goodbye to an old life, and most painfully, losing my girl Pegs. I’ve not handled it all in the healthiest ways (hello wine and fuck-it bucket), but I’m trying to give myself grace.

That said, when I pause and actually look at what I have managed to do this month, the progress is there. Little green shoots of growth poking through the chaos.

Seeds I’ve Planted This April

🌿 Green space therapy began 🌿

Getting outside, breathing deeper, reconnecting.

🧡 Coaching success 🧡

Finally set up properly with the brilliant Sinéad.

💪🏻 Hyrox Sim + Events Plan 💪🏻

My body might be wobbling, but the plan is on paper!

👣 Steps back up 👣

Literally walking my way back to myself.

Stuff That’s Not Quite Gone to Plan

🪣 The fuck-it bucket 🪣

I’ve been kicking it daily. Sometimes twice.

🍔 Nutrition 🍔

Some meals are nutritious, others are just beige.

🍷 Booze 🍷

Still leaning too heavily on the liquid coping.

💀 Gym time 💀

Scuppered by nosebleeds, hip pain, and a crippling dose of anxiety.

But hey — we’re only halfway through the month. It was never going to be some magical April 1st transformation where everything clicked into place overnight. That’s just my annoying all-or-nothing mindset talking, and something I’m actively working on in both therapy and coaching.

What is helping is carving out time to invest in myself. Whether that’s journaling, green therapy walks, or letting the universe whisper through tarot cards, I’m doing what I can. I’m outside more. I’m learning more — about myself and the weird wonders of nature (oak apples?! Mind. Blown). I’m remembering how much joy my work brings me, even when the rest of life feels heavy.

It’s not perfect — far from it — but there’s a gentle plan in place. One that doesn’t make me want to hide under a duvet until June.

Glimmers + Gratitude

Let’s not forget the happies, because even in the middle of the mess, they matter:

🔮 Deep tarot chats with my bestie 🔮

🐱 Sunny bench moments on Pegs’s garden seat 🐱

🍕 Throwback Two for Tuesdays (so filthy, so good) 🍕

🌿 Discovering oak apples + local lore with Green Space Therapy 🌿

🍽️ Buren date night with the bestest humans 🍽️

🎨 Falling back in love with my job — art heals, always 🎨

👀 Mischief Managed — no further comment 👀

🐺 Therapy dog days — she’s the problem and the solution 🐺

🐾 The hardest goodbye to Pegs, but surrounded by love, online and IRL 🐾

🌸 Springtime blooms and soft, soul-saving walks 🌸

🧡 Good dogs, great food, better company 🧡

🔥 Wild sauna sessions (because why not?) 🔥

💙 Blue skies + Blue Heelers — joy in dog-shaped form 💙

So yeah, not exactly the month of calm alignment I imagined, but maybe this messy middle is exactly where I need to be. Growth isn’t always graceful. Sometimes it looks like tears on the yoga mat, takeaway pizza in bed, and tiny wins hidden in a sea of grief.