and I’m hungry like both!

Sorry - I can’t seem to write a serious blog post without a cheesy song reference these days. Hope it made you chuckle (or sing out loud).

They say there are two wolves inside you, right? Well in my case, they’re probably cattle dogs. And if you’ve met my little Cattle Dog Wolf (or at least heard me talk about her), you’ll know she can be a bit of a twat. So really, it’s no surprise that the two cattle dog wolves living in my head are twats too.

But they’re very different kinds of twats.

The Ego Cattle Wolf 🐺

My ego shows up like the perfectionist Crufts winning ACD - the one who wants everything to go perfectly, planned to the last detail, who thinks if it’s not all or nothing, then it’s not good enough. She’s the voice that says:

“You should be fitter by now. You should be smaller by now. You should be running further, creating more, working harder, earning more, blah blah blah.”

Basically, she’s a guilt-tripping, gas-lighting twat. Cheeky and independent, sure - but she’s mostly a pain in the arse. She paralyses me with planning, convinces me to bail on the things I really want, and then throws me headfirst into “fuck it” mode the second life isn’t flawless.

The Soul Cattle Wolf 🌞

Then there’s my soul-self wolf. She’s also a bit of a twat, but she’s the fun one - the sunshine-y little twat. Playful, bright, free-spirited, determined without being chained. She thrives on daily glimmers, movement, brews in bed, creativity, adventure, good food, belly laughs, early mornings, bike rides, cat cuddles, campervan trips, and making things that make people smile.

She doesn’t care about being perfect. She knows she’s powerful just by showing up as she is - messy, curious, and full of love for life.

The Moonlight Moment 🌙

At a yoga workshop the other night, I pulled an oracle card. It said: Moonlight : Travel, Romance, Potential.

At first I thought… meh, okay. But later that evening something clicked. Framing it differently: Romance but with myself/life. Travel sparking inspiration and giving me a new perspective. Untapped creative possibility and the potential within me - you know, that I’ve spent the past few years sabotaging.

Considering what the moon tarot card sybolises too : intuition, dreams, and the subconscious, guiding us to trust inner wisdom while navigating uncertainty and hidden truths. It felt like another nudge from the universe.

The Shift ✨

Since stepping away (hello Bali, yin yoga, and a whole lot of moonlight energy), I’ve started to feel a bit more like myself again - hearing my sunshine wolf howl a little louder (usually after a hard zycle or reformer class!) She’s quieter, softer - but bloody hell she’s persistent.

She’s in the tears I’ve let spill out in yin yoga.
She’s in the full-body YES I feel after a sweaty Zycle class.
She’s in the little nudges of intuition I’m finally trusting.
She’s in the joy of eating something nourishing (and those cheeky pleasures too).
She’s in the shame I’m finally calling out and the self-sabotage I’m starting to own.

And that’s when I realised, I’d been letting my big bad ego wolf run the show for far too long - self-limiting, critical, doubting, distracting. And I’d been ignoring my sunshine wolf - the part of me that’s bright, playful, messy, and full of joy. Mostly this is down to shame and guilt, lack of self worth and hey, it’s easier to numb out than face into all that!

My take in the end - the card was basically holding up a mirror and saying: You’re allowed to choose differently and enjoy your life. Stop letting the wrong twat lead the way though.

Feeding the Cattle Wolves 🍖

Here’s the truth - it’s not about choosing which one to feed - both twatty little wolves (all three if you count Rei!) will always be with me. Both of those inner wolves are a bit twatty in their own way. But I get to choose which one leads this little pack (aka me, myself, and I).

It can’t be about starving the ego wolf. She’ll always be hanging around - nagging, doubting, occasionally being a total asshat. But if I keep her exercised, give her boundaries, and don’t let her drag me over to the dark side of my thoughts (and chew up the good in my life!), she stays in check.

And that means my sunshine wolf gets to run free, chase frisbees, and remind me that life is meant to be lived with happiness, play, and the odd howl at the moon just to annoy the neighbours 🌙🐺✨